Single Girls Get Screwed

z13When it comes to doing their taxes.

So here’s me, doing the responsible thing and trying to get my taxes filed.

Accountant #1: To be honest, you can’t really afford my $300 dollar fee, why not just go to H&R block and have them do it?

Later that week at H&R:

H&R Block Accountant: [looking over my W-2] Hmmm, this doesn’t look so good.

Me: “What doesn’t look so good?”

H&R: “You’re single?”

Me: Yup.

H&R: You don’t have any kids?!

Me: Nope.

H&R: No kids at all! How about a mortage? Or any sort of loan? Childcare?

Me: Nope

H&R: Then you’re screwed. No tax credits for you. In fact, you may even owe the government money. There’s no luck for you singles.

Me: So you’re telling me that because I don’t have any kids and aren’t married, I’m basically screwed?

H&R: Yes, singles get totally screwed when it comes to doing their taxes. Don’t even bother filing with us. Just go online and do it for free. You can’t afford to pay me $130 when you may not even get anything back.

Me: [Silent.] Well, thanks for being so honest.

H&R: No problem.

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8 responses to “Single Girls Get Screwed

  1. it could be worse. you could be married with dual income, you get a higher tax rate if you both work.

    or you could be like me: I pay a large chunk of my monthly income in child support, but because my son lives in canada with his mom, I can’t claim him as a dependent and get a deduction on my taxes.

    you don’t wanna know how much i pay. it’s a lot.

  2. Brendan, you can’t even claim the EIC because he’s a Canadian citizen?

  3. not one thin dime bro, not one dime. not even a penny. or a farthing. not even a carrot.

    I realize that’s not a currency, but it should be.

  4. Everybody gets screwed, sigh.

  5. I’m shocked at the honesty tho… Maybe you should try to find someone with Turbo Tax or combine forces with other single ladies/guys to share the software (if it’s shareable). Perks to be married.

  6. …and not just single girls! Retired single males who don’t own property, or have dependent kids, also get hit over the head by the IRS. Here’s the ideal filing status and what you (and everyone) should aim for; you should have or be:

    1. Married
    2. Separated (not divorced)
    3. A spouse who is not employed
    and who is preferably living with (but
    not a “filing” dependent of) someone
    else.
    4. joint filing status
    5. vow to split any return 50/50
    with the aforementioned spouse
    regardless of existing acrimony
    (this is easier than it seems if you just
    consider the fundamental absurdity of
    the oath you both took when you got
    married in the first place).

    This gives one the benefits of enjoying
    marital status filing advantages without having to put up with the actual marriage itself. It’s as close to Nirvana as this life has to offer.

  7. or, you can just sell drugs and pay no taxes at all.
    wheeeee!

  8. Pingback: Forget Phillygrrl. I <3 taxgirl. « My Philadelphia Story

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