Does Your Pop Music Suck? A Slut Anthem.

Check in every Friday for guest blogger DonBito’s thrashing of your favorite pop songs. And don’t forget to email your suggestions for next week’s blog to wegotthebits@gmail.com.

This week: “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga.

How can you trash Poker Face, whose throwback synth beat and thinly-veiled sexual metaphors have taken America by storm?

I’ll tell you, readers: You effing can’t. That’s because Poker Face takes everything great about modern pop music and rolls it up into a big questionable-bodily-fluid-and-candy-coated pill and shoves it down your eager throat. And when it’s over you can’t shake the feeling that your ears have been molested…and you liked it.

It makes you want to dance. It makes you want to have bathroom sex with a stranger. It makes you want to roll the windows down and do car karaoke. It makes you want to take a scalding hot shower and compulsively scrub every inch of your body with lye soap but you keep getting distracted and touching yourself.

Or something like that.

If you haven’t had a chance to read the lyrics, I’d recommend it; they’re tightly packed with clever gambling-related double entendres. Hardly a surprise, I guess, given the song’s title.

And what more can I ask from my pop music? Lyrics so ridiculous that they make me laugh at myself for listening to them? Check.  A synth beat that sounds like someone jerking off a pipe organ? Check.  A message that women think of sex as a game as much as men do? Chizzeck.

I propose that this song is the Slut Anthem of the Year– but not in a Katy Perry “I set feminism back 100 years just by waking up this morning” kind of way (see Hot N Cold)(or, if you like your brains in their solid state, don’t).

Rather, this song is the anthem for all of the women out there who have reclaimed the title of “slut,” those who subvert the very concept of sluttiness… These women exploit the patriarchal mechanism that tells us women can’t be fully responsible for what they do with their own bodies and use it to get boys into bed.

So ladies, get out there and claim your basic human right to be sluts.  And if you’re looking for a song to get your juices flowing, I highly recommend Poker Face.

This post goes out to J and Z.

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