Guest blogger TB on fathers. (Don’t forget Father’s Day is this Sunday!)
Congratulations 53-year-old Douglas Newell! You are PhillyGrrl’s 2009 Father of the Year! Your stance against alcohol’s destructive nature is a testament to all fathers around the world who strive to protect their sons from the deadly talons of the bottle. Not only were you consistent with the daily father-son conversations but you even went as far as to put all your agricultural skills to good use and grow him the best marijuana this side of West Chester! Everyone knows marijuana is far safer than alcohol and asking your son to smoke marijuana instead of drinking alcohol is the pinnacle of fine parenting.
Now we know not all fathers are perfect. You opened the doors of your loving home to a 20-year-old man named Dean Powell. You also did not know he had a heroin problem… and no one could foresee him overdosing on your living room couch which resulted in local authorities being called to your residence, but have no fear Douglas Newell, we are still on your side. So what if you left a “jar of marijuana, a marijuana pipe, marijuana seeds, and a book describing how to grow marijuana” in plain view, good honest men have nothing to hide! Hell, we will even let the two grow labs on the second floor slide because you are just that fucking awesome! (I mean ventilation, watering systems, a timed lighting set-up and six pot plants? Way to take it to the next level!)
You have a degree in electrical engineering degree and you were a successful building systems technician. The only thing that stopped you from working was bad health. So forget about the 90 days to 23 months in prison, you are a pioneer in the truest form surpassed only by Lewis and Clark. The future of parenting has been changed forever and in the days to come fathers will look back on your story for guidance until the end of time. And again, CONGRATULATIONS!
And Judge Ronald C. Nagle? Well he can win PhillyGrrl’s 2009 Conservative Douchbag Judge Award!