Author Archives: thab00ger

Oh God… seriously PETA?

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Guest blogger TB flies off the handle at PETA. Get it? Get it? Nevermind.

How did I know these fuckers at PETA were going to get all bent out of shape over Obama killing that fly on TV?

I swear when I saw him do it I was thinking, “Man… PETA is gonna love this”. And here we are with the latest of PETA’s bitching and moaning.

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2009 Father of the Year

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Guest blogger TB on fathers. (Don’t forget Father’s Day is this Sunday!)

Congratulations 53-year-old Douglas Newell! You are PhillyGrrl’s 2009 Father of the Year! Your stance against alcohol’s destructive nature is a testament to all fathers around the world who strive to protect their sons from the deadly talons of the bottle. Not only were you consistent with the daily father-son conversations but you even went as far as to put all your agricultural skills to good use and grow him the best marijuana this side of West Chester! Everyone knows marijuana is far safer than alcohol and asking your son to smoke marijuana instead of drinking alcohol is the pinnacle of fine parenting.

Now we know not all fathers are perfect. You opened the doors of your loving home to a 20-year-old man named Dean Powell. You also did not know he had a heroin problem… and no one could foresee him overdosing on your living room couch which resulted in local authorities being called to your residence, but have no fear Douglas Newell, we are still on your side. So what if you left a “jar of marijuana, a marijuana pipe, marijuana seeds, and a book describing how to grow marijuana” in plain view, good honest men have nothing to hide! Hell, we will even let the two grow labs on the second floor slide because you are just that fucking awesome! (I mean ventilation, watering systems, a timed lighting set-up and six pot plants? Way to take it to the next level!)

You have a degree in electrical engineering degree and you were a successful building systems technician. The only thing that stopped you from working was bad health. So forget about the 90 days to 23 months in prison, you are a pioneer in the truest form surpassed only by Lewis and Clark. The future of parenting has been changed forever and in the days to come fathers will look back on your story for guidance until the end of time. And again, CONGRATULATIONS! Continue reading

Sucks for you, Justin

School folks always take graduation way too seriously. (I attended my lil sis’s graduation today.) There’s always that inane rule about not cheering when “your graduate’s name is announced.” Yeah right. Like we’re going to not cheer. Anyway, here’s guest blogger TB’s take on it all…

Hey Justin Denney, just letting you know that blowing a kiss to your family is grounds for not receiving your diploma. Yup, hate to break it to you bro but sometimes you just gotta follow the rules.

Wait… why is everyone so pissed off? Just shut the fuck up and do as you’re told and everything will be fine. Just because you have sexy eyes and a smile of gold and a body that…. whoa… where the fuck did that come from?

That was all sarcasm. The school did say they would give him the diploma later on but was it really necessary to make him look like a complete fool in front of hella people?

Bad luck, or fate?

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Guest post from ThaBOOger.  I missed you, man!

If this isn’t the craziest shit in the world then I don’t know what is.

First I’ll start on a lighter note. Did you guys know that they are making another Final Destination movie? Yes, another one. Please stop already. This installment of the popular series about Death hunting down people who escape major disasters is called THE Final Destination… which hopefully means it will be THE last piece of shit movie ever. I guess this one is going to start off with a NASCAR disaster… wow, seriously? NASCAR??? Wasn’t there a car related incident in part 2? (Don’t worry I stopped watching after part 2). And the third one had a roller coaster accident from what I have seen. I want to see a restaurant accident where there’s a chain reaction of people falling on forks which are strategically placed at the edges of all the tables, which in return, causes them to fly all over the place stabbing people in the head.

Sigh… won’t happen. Hollywood sucks.

But on a slightly more serious note (yes, slightly… because I’m an asshole), an Italian  woman was late and as a result missed boarding Air France Flight 447 Rio de Janeiro airport on May 31. The plane crashed into the Atlantic about four hours into the flight. One can only imagine the feelings going through her mind when she found out the horrible news. Feelings of happiness, sadness, gratefulness… well… I don’t think those feelings lasted for long because she is now dead. Johanna and Kurt Ganthaler where driving down an Austrian road earlier this week when their car lost control and ended up being hit by an oncoming truck outside the town of Kufstein. Her husband is in critical condition…

Terrible… I guess you really CAN’T hide from Death…

Football Theatrics

Guest blogger TB on soccer…err..football…err…some sport played with a ball…

Ok, to all those assholes out there who want to be all correct about everything, I know it’s called football get over it (I’m going to start calling it soccer now). Now don’t get me wrong, I love soccer as a sport. I played it 90% of my childhood and continued to play once I got out of high school just for kicks. But watching soccer is like watching paint dry. Not only is it a bore to watch but the players are such babies. Since when was it acceptable to openly fake an injury? Of all the sports in the world I have never seen such theatrics as shown in soccer. That’s why I would rather watch real football where players smash into each other without flinching or even rugby for that matter. But why has soccer turned into such a shitty sport? Here are a few examples of soccer babies faking injuries.

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Can I be your roommate?

Guest blogger TB is looking for a roommate. Takers?

Holy shit look at this guy’s pad!

So this guy’s wife is like, “You’re too much of a nerd, bye!”

And this guy’s like, “Whatever bitch. I’m gonna make a kick-ass bachelors pad and have unprotected sex with green women.”

And this is what happened!

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Daddy ate my eyes…

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Guest blogger TB on a recent tragedy in Cali…

In Bakersfield, California a man came home and mutilated his 4 yr old son leaving him unconscious and bleeding profusely. When inspected by doctors they found that one of his eyes and the surrounding muscle were missing and the other eye was damaged beyond repair. Neighbors found the boy lying naked on the floor bleeding heavily with bite marks on his hands. When the boy was questioned about what had happened he replied, “My daddy ate my eyes out.”

They found the boy’s father, 34-year-old Angelo Mendoza, high on PCP in a nearby back yard chained to a tree trying to hack his legs off with an ax.

Once they process this asshole into a prison he will get what he deserves. News will spread to all the other inmates and only god knows what they will have in store for this piece of shit. What is this world coming to?